 WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - A broad-based coalition of millionaires converged on Washington today to defeat a bill that would have increased the minimum wage for American workers to $10.10 an hour. Leaving behind their mansions and yachts, the millionaires were motivated by what they saw as an existential threat to the country, Mitch McConnell, a spokesman for the millionaires, said. “This was an extremely diverse coalition,” McConnell said, noting that everyone from the rich to the very rich to the super-rich united to vote down the bill. McConnell hoped that today’s vote would burnish the millionaires’ reputation as “people who get things done.” “Folks who have tried to pin a ‘do nothing’ label on us are dead wrong,” he said. “When it comes to stopping workers from being paid more, we spring into action.” Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox. Photograph by J. Scott Applewhite/AP. |
